The Hog Blog: Sally welcomes a newcomer to the farm
There’s a new animal at the farm that has everyone aflutter: a horse named “Lady.” Livestock manager Polly is the proud owner of Lady. I experienced a brief period of jealousy at the addition of a tall, gorgeous female with long legs in the field across from me, but I got over it when I learned how nice Lady is. One day after the gates were closed at the National Colonial Farm, I sauntered over to interview Lady (Polly thinks she has me “contained” with that electric fence – Ha! I scoff at your electric fence.).
Me: (in my best Jerry Lewis imitation) Hey, Lady!
Lady: Sally, I’m glad you came to visit.
Me : (returning to my own throaty, sultry pig voice) I thought I’d interview you for my famous “Hog Blog.” I’m hoping that if I spice up my column with some celebrity interviews, I might have a chance at syndication.
Lady: I’m flattered you think of me as a celebrity.
Me: Honey, if you live at the National Colonial Farm, you are certainly a celebrity. We don’t take any riff raff here.
Lady: I’m happy to be able to spend more time near Polly, and I’ve really been enjoying getting to know all the folks at the farm.
Me: I know it isn’t polite to ask a woman her age, but just between us girls, how old are you?
Lady : I am 12 years young, my dear, and not ashamed to admit it.
Me: What kind of horse are you?
Lady: I am a Morgan Friesian Cross, a very specific dutch breed. I am very proud of my heritage.
Me: And can you share any juicy tidbits about your life?
Lady: Only that I feel like the luckiest horse on earth. My previous owners in upstate New York were not very kind. Then Polly came along and rescued me and made me feel like a part of her family. And then she recently brought me here and I feel like I am apart of a bigger family – with cows, and sheep and beautiful hogs, like yourself.
Me: Oh, you’re making me blush. One last question: I’ve heard my sweetie, Matt Mattingly, calling you “Snip.” What’s that about?
Lady: Funny you should ask. I was wondering the same thing, when I heard Matt explaining it to some visitors. Apparently, the scenario for the National Colonial Farm was developed after real tobacco farmers, The Bolton Family. This family had a horse named Snip and he knows this because Snip was left to the Bolton’s daughter in their will – pretty interesting stuff. So, like most people on the National Colonial Farm I am playing a character too – just not while wearing one of those colonial outfits.
Me: Lady, I know you’re new to this celebrity business, so I’m just going to give you a little advice I give all of my protégés: ask for more perks.